To Build A Home
by arose41319
Summary: "Oh my god Kate was I really that rough last night?" A panicked Rick Castle inquired as he examined his wife the morning after. They were everywhere. The small blue and purple splotches that faded into a sickly yellow. A trail of the devils running up and down her spine. Set after Castle and Beckett are married. Now they have to face their toughest case yet, cancer.
1. Chapter 1

**_I have had many experiences with cancer in my life and felt I wanted to write a fanfiction about it. It is my second fic so any feedback would be greatly appreciated. This story takes place after Castle and Beckett are married. No specific season. The title is taken from one of my favorite songs that is very beautiful and I nearly cry every time I listen to it . It is called To Build A Home by The Cinematic Orchestra. Thank you for reading! Sorry the first chapter is a bit short it is almost 1:30 am here and I am exhausted. Any reviews are much appreciated.  
><em>**

**_X -AR_**

**_Chapter 1_**

_"Oh my god Kate was I really that rough last night?" _

_A panicked Rick Castle inquired as he examined his wife the morning after. They were everywhere. The small blue and purple splotches that faded into a sickly yellow. A trail of the devils running up and down her spine. _

_"Rick.. honestly it's nothing I mean you weren't rough, well any more than usual." Kate tried to mask her concern as she gazed down at her wounded body. _

_This wasn't normal. It couldn't be. She took her thumb and pressed it hard into the epicenter of the largest one. A small gasp of pain escaped her lips. It was still tender and the light purple only faded into a deeper blue. _

_"Kate- I think you need to see a doctor."_

Leukemia or the word cancer was the last thing on the list that Castle or Kate had expected to hear. It was just so surreal. So unfair.

"Are- are you sure?" Rick asked. His voice tense and hesitant.

"Yes, from Kate's lab results it does appear that she has hundreds of blasts and abnormal cell growth. I'm sorry, but we are going to do everything we possibly can." Dr. Stiles said. Sympathetic. Her words an empty sentence that sent the world crumbling down around the humble beginnings of the life Castle and Beckett were trying to build.

"Kate, I'll give you two some time to process. but then I'm going to have to admit you. A nurse will be in a little later to perform some tests to verify exactly how far the cancer has progressed. We're doing everything we can." The middle aged woman placed a gentle hand on Kate's shoulder, a small seemingly meaningless gesture. It had been out of pure kindness, but how was it supposed to be accepted when the woman had just delivered devastating news.

"Castle- I- I have cancer." The word still a strange foreign object on her tongue. "I ha-"

"Shh.. Kate" His words coming out in a soft whisper. His hands wrapping around her waist as he gently caressed the top of her head.

"I have cancer." She sobbed over and over. The word slowly becoming more and more familiar.

She burrowed her face in his shirt. Allowing her tears to soak his chest, sending piercing aches into his heart. It was impossible to know how to comfort her when he was also hurting just as much inside. He can't allow himself to break down. It was his responsibility to carry her when she was weak. In sickness and in health. He had to be strong for her sake. For their future.

"It wasn't enough that my mother was murdered, or that I was shot in the heart, or almost was thrown off a building, the universe just had to throw another fucking thing my way!" She trembled as her lungs gasped for air.

"Kate, I know-" His voice breaking with the shattering reality of watching his wife collapse in his arms.

"We are going to make it through this you hear me? We have to. We deserve our happy ending."

"I know Castle, but for every good thing that happens something 100 times worse is hurdled our way. It just doesn't make sense. Am I such a screw up?"

"No Kate, stop- please. I promise you we'll get it. We have to."

Her sobs start to slow down into a steady rhythum and Castle feels her grip loosen on him. She is losing her strength quickly and he holds her in his arms until she finally drifts off to sleep. Her damp tear soaked hair is matted to her cheeks. Gently, he picks her up and carries her into the hospital room and lays her down on the mattress. Pulling the blanket up around her pale face.

And only when he is sure she is out does Castle concede to the overwhelming anguish and reality of the situation. As he stares down at his Kate, his wife, a single tear manages to slither down his face. Nobody is immune to this disease and it's effects, not even the New York Times Bestseller Richard Castle.


	2. Chapter 2

_**Thank you for the follows I did get and reviews it means a TON to me because this is actually my first full length story. I will update as much as possible hopefully once a day or every two days. I am a sophmore in high school so I will have finals soon. Thanks for the support! x- AR**_

_**Chapter 2**_

"Kate.." Castle coaxed gently shaking his wife. Her heavy eyelids opened to the world surrounding her. The one she was thrust into. She was not lying in her familiar cozy bed with Castle cuddling next to her, nor did any alarm go off to scream at her to get up and get her ass moving to the precinct this morning.

What was she doing here in this tiny cubicle of a room? Why was she in such a small bed and how come it smells like bleach? Then it dawned on her:

_oh yeah she has cancer_.

_The I.V. lines sprouting out from her flesh were only proof that she was sick. The invincible Kate Beckett was sick and with a disease that could possibly kill her. Not quickly like a gunshot, but languidly like molasses. Her body could deteriorate little by little until there was nothing left of her. This disease was monumentally worse than just being shot and killed because with this, she is forced to watch the downfall of her life and the pain that she caused to people around her._

"Yeah-"

"The doctor is here with a nurse to discuss your um.. well condition." he stuttered out.

"Cancer Castle, just say it." Kate demanded fierce like the detective she was. Facing her fears straight in the eye.

"Yes, cancer Kate." Castle breathed.

It was hard to look at his beautiful wife knowing that they could not do everything they had wanted to do. At least not now, but what about ever? This disease is fatal. And this hospital room was his life for awhile.

"Mr. and Mrs. Castle.." the doctor began. She shifted her weight as she pulled out her charts. Examining them skeptically.

"Kate has a cancer commonly referred to as _ALL or acute lymphoblastic leukemia_, it is a cancer that starts from the early version of white blood cells called _lymphocytes_ in the bone marrow. _Lymphocytic_ means it develops from early (immature) forms of lymphocytes, a type of white blood cell." She took a breath before continuing.

"She has blasts in her blood and therefore our plan is to get Kate started on chemotherapy via the I.V. within the next day or so. Right now what you have flowing through your veins is a transfusion of blood and platelets to replenish your body and replace the leukemic cells. You should be feeling better now. Less fatigue and color should return more to your face." She flipped a page and pulled out a brochure entitled: A Cancer Patients Guide to Chemotherapy

She handed the brochure to Castle, who snapped it open, exposing hundreds of words in tiny print. Kate couldn't help but notice that on this pamphlet cover there was no typical smiling patient, just a bag on an I.V. pole. This was a sure sign that nothing good could come out of the drug. She had heard of people who went through this, and never would she have thought that she would be one.

"I'll give you two some time to look it over and then your nurse Callie here, an anesthesiologist, and I will be in to perform a procedure commonly referred to as a lumbar puncture. You'll be put under general anesthesia to numb your back. A needle will be inserted into the bottom of your spine and the fluid collected will be sent back to the lab to check if the cancer has affected your spinal fluid. Any questions?" The talk was simply routine procedural for her informing dozens of other patients a week, but this was slightly different being the fate of Richard Castle's wife was in her hands.

A simple nod no was received and Kate watched Dr. Stiles and Callie file out of her room.

Her face was downtrodden, beaten like a wounded animal, but she had to know what she was facing.

"Castle, can you please just read to me the side effects of chemo?" She already knew about the worst of it, The hair loss, but she just had to hear for herself.

Castle was hunched over in the stable hospital sofa. His eyes wide as he read what was to come. The next dragon to be faced.

"Well.' He began. His voice tentative as not to cause his fragile Kate to break.

"Fatigue, your body may become easily exhausted."

"Mhmm." She closed her eyes to block out the world, as if the punches could be delivered any easier.

"Sores in the mouth." Kate cringed at the thought and Castle noticed. He grabbed hold of her hand and squeezed it.

"Don't stop."

"Nausea and vomiting." Lovely she thought. Her eyes started to well and she tried to hold the water works back. They were suppressed. For now.

"Hair- loss." Now, that was the one that sent her eyes bursting open. The one thing she prided herself in most. Her flowing brunette locks would soon be gone leaving no trace of ever being there. All that would be left would be a bald head.

"Kate, you know I will still love you, hair is just a thing. What I want- "

He paused.

"And what I fell in love with was _you_. All I ever wanted was you for who you are. Not only for your looks, but for everything that came with it. The extraordinary woman inside." His movements were natural now as he climbed in next to her. Cupping her in his sturdy embrace. Amidst the cannons shooting off everywhere, here they were a fortress strong.

She let herself be comforted. Her walls were now crumbled at their feet. There was nothing left, nothing left to loose and nothing left to hide.

"Wait- there is one more thing on here Castle." Her speech became muffled and lost in her silent lamenting.

It was too toilsome to be said out loud. To be brought to life. His eyes fell over the last word.

_Infertility_

There it was the slap in face that sent them both tumbling to the ground. The wind knocked out, leaving them stumbling for air. No tears were shed, because there were none left. Just _silence_.

"I take it back." A breathless Kate coerced. "Hair loss wasn't the worst part, this is."

"I'm so sorry Castle. I'm so sorry." She looked broken inside as if she was letting him down.

"Kate, don't be sorry. It's not your fault. Maybe-"

Carefully, he delivered his contention as to not arise false hope.

"Maybe they can harvest your eggs and freeze them for after the treatment.. if-"

He was intercepted by her.

"If I survive and if I can still become pregnant." By now her tears had dried and the Kate Beckett that he knew was back. She was being strong or at least acting like it.

"Yeah."

"Castle." She inquested into his deep blue eyes. Oceans themselves.

She took her hand and lifted it under her husbands chin. His whiskers coarse against her skin.

"I am going to beat this ok? For our sake and for our future baby's. We are going to have that happy ending." She was so sure so tenacious at the moment. Fire brimming in her eyes.

"I love you Katherine Houghton Beckett."

He leaned in for a kiss. Her lips silky against his.

"I love you too."


End file.
